paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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