ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
