some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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