Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
