Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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