What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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