Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
