It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize