from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
