margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
