So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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