May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Couch. On fire.
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