Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
