hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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