We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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