Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
