someone threw a dead crab at me
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
