I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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