I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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