Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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