the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
