i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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