saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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