Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
