I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
