i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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