is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
