I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
