I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
