new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
This toilet bowl is my home.
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