i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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