i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize