How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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