Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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