i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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