I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
