we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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