I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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