Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
