wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
