just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize