Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize