first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
