I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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