You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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