Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
