I wish I could teleport
okay pat passed out under dana's car
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
