The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Randomize
