I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize