Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
