if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
