How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
