remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize