how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
