Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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