True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
