Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
