theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
