How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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