so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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