Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
