so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
