And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
