Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
