I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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