I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
