Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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