I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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