So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
