I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just want to make out with him forever
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
