Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
