onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
