Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
