I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
3 2 1 whiskey
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
