Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
