so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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