i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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