6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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