you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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