Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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