i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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