Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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