ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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