dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
