Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize