I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
