yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
