summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
this will be a night to untag.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
