you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
sarcasm needs its own font
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
