I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
