making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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