he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
