yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
