I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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