went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
