listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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