He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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