WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
