some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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