Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
