He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
