sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
