i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize