halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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