I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My penis needs a shock collar
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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