I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Randomize
