That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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