yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize