Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
